PR man does some work shock

15st 9lb, zero units. I did some work today. What a shock it was. Sent out a press release and took calls about it. All day. As I was doing so, it occurred to me to wonder why, after 27 years handling regular results announcements for retailers, I still never, ever remember to prepare for the inevitable questions from regional media asking how many shops and employees the company has in their particular area, how many have been added during the year and how many more are coming along in the pipeline. I would put this down to total incompetence on my part and assume that every other PR consultancy in the country has this sort of information at their fingertips on such occasions; but for the fact that every experience I have ever had of working with other PR companies tends to bring a blinding revelation that they are even more useless than I am. Added to which, I am repeatedly told by journalists that I am one of the better PRs they have to deal with because I do actually bother to return their calls and usually know the answers to SOME of their questions.

Will this all change when the new generation of PR graduates (of which I wrote in my newspaper column last week) assume control of the industry? I very much doubt it. Though if I ever set up a business that employs staff other than Border terriers, I shall be sure to look out for an attractive female graduate from the University of Derby who has got a first in PR with sports massage and exercise therapies. Equipped with a short skirt and a bottle of baby oil, I am sure she could give most of the clients I have ever had exactly the sort of satisfaction they have always craved.