Monday 7 January 2008

Back to the drawing board

15st 1lb; 6.0 alcohol units; 1,488; Finisterre (NOT FitzRoy).

I suspect that my continued weight loss probably reflects temporary dehydration after the three large whiskies I drank last night, to try and prolong the good mood into which had been lifted by the BBC adaptation of Sense and Sensibility. I missed the first part on New Year’s Day thanks to my participation in a strictly non-sexual orgy with my neighbours, but at least I had the presence of mind to press the “record” button before I lapsed into a coma. Hence I was able to watch both parts one and two yesterday evening. While it did not live up to the smutty promise of the opening seduction scene, and I kept expecting Sir John Middleton to launch into the “suits you, sir” routine from The Fast Show, I thoroughly enjoyed it, old romantic that I am.

My only small reservation is that I find this critically acclaimed Elinor a bit on the plain side, and preferred Emma Thompson in the Oscar-winning film. But then I was in love for many years with a woman who bore a striking resemblance to Emma Thompson. I’m sure I mentioned it to her at the time, though it clearly didn’t register as she quite recently announced, as an amazing new development in her life, that strangers at airports and the like often mistook her for Emma Thompson.

No-one has ever mistaken me for anyone else. Not just anyone famous. Anyone at all.

Perhaps I should set myself a goal for 2008, over and above the whole weight loss thing. Getting into bed with a celebrity lookalike would be quite a good one, really. If I fancied the celebrity in question something rotten, it should be a foolproof way of avoiding that sure-fire slap-round-the-face moment when your partner stops inspecting the ceiling and starts trying to catch a glimpse of the clock radio.

“What’s taking you so long?”

“Sorry, I can’t think of anyone.”


The only snag I can see is that, if they were a convincing lookalike, they’d have to be incredibly fanciable, too.

No, I don’t think I’ve got the wherewithal for that.

Oh well, back to the drawing board. Again.

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